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Moats and Chicks - What's being served today?by Laurel and Guinevere It's winter again. We thought we had spring. We were wrong. I doubt Mother Nature reads our column, so it won't do any good to complain to her. However, some things do pay off. Have you seen the condition of the stairs around here? They're shoveled!!! You can walk on them!!! The snow isn't just packed down from the people walking on them, they're actually shoveled!!! Even more impressive than a sighting of Nessie, I saw a person with an ice chopper/scraper the other day. I'm not saying I saw them using it, but it's not something the typical person carries around with them for the fun of it... Unless of course there's something very bizarre going on that we don't want to think about... ANYhow, we *gasp* thank Plant Services for all of the work they've been doing to keep our bums from being bruised. BUT! We have some more questions for them now: The stairs going up from the library parking lot... What is the significance of removing the snow from only the right side of the staircase? There must be some deep dark secret here, possibly linked to organized crime... What's under that pile of snow, guys? Now that we think about it, the front steps of Alden and the Library are the same way... I would say that there must be some kind of "cover up," but I digress...
and now for something completely different... Top 11 Rejected Candidates for SWE's "Top 10 Reasons to Be an Engineer" at WPI
11. You can reply when people ask you "Why is the sky blue?" And the number one rejected candidate for SWE's "Top 10 Reasons to Be an Engineer" at WPI: 1. Chemistry I with Scala a great way to begin a career and now for something completely typical... What is the purpose of the pits in front of Founders Hall? Could they possibly be a primitive attempt by the designers to create a moat? In keeping with the traditional "fortress" image, the original design plans of Founders included these depressions, in the hopes that they would be filled with murky water and possibly even alligators. Through extensive research (as always) we have uncovered plans for unused security features, which include: - vats of boiling oil to be heated on the roof and dumped upon trespassing Freshmen as they attempt to enter the building. (These plans were later modified and instead incorporated into the kitchen plans to trap unsuspecting woodland creatures for use in "Quick Chicks.") - heavy wrought iron fencing surrounding the building to ward off vicious Becker girls, who thought that Founders was a big fraternity house. - the original purpose for the doors in the moat pits, was to utilize them as secret entrances and exits in case of siege, and would also provide for a "cool spooky effect" when people dove into the moat and never came back up. - a high-speed direct route zip-line from the top of Boynton Hill to the fourth floor windows (taking care of course to avoid the heavy wrought iron fence). This served no practical purpose, but don't you think that it would be wicked cool? - a built-in feature to poison any people who do manage to enter the fortress. (Wait a second... I think they included this option...) Why does Founders have a Country Kitchen that no one cooks in, and Study Rooms that no one can study in because they are always locked? This seems to be the typical bureaucracy of denial that WPI is so fond of, ala Campus Center... Who thought of this one: Founders Hall - 225 people and only 4 terminals? Don't worry, they (kinda) solved this with the inclusion of Ethernet next year (possibly on cheesy twisted-pair cable though...) Did you ever think that maybe Fraternity Rock is just a little pebble covered by four feet of paint? While the Clean-Air Building rules are working quite well, we have noticed that there is often a strange smoky smell in the entryways to these buildings. Hmm, must be something wrong with the heating system... Our dear, dear friend, Jim O'Connor, (well, we have never met you, nor will we, but you're a fan, so who cares?), wrote to us in answer to our question about the statue on top of Sanford-Riley Hall. It seems that this miniature stone person is Minerva, who is the Roman goddess of wisdom, invention, the arts, and martial prowess. She also happens to be the patron goddess of SAE, and was included in the design since Sanford-Riley was a member of the fraternity when he attended WPI. (Funny, I though the patron goddess of SAE was Phi Sig Sig...) Wrap up time... Just some encouraging thoughts about this term and next: IQP sucks.... I hope all of the Sisters are "psyched" for finals (since they are always psyched for every little thing... - see SAE section above) More snow means more snowballs...yea. Good luck in the lottery. We hope everyone gets really poor numbers so we can get housing... Oh, well. That's it for this week. Be sure to send in your "What I did over Spring Break" essays to us...(care of Newspeak). Until next term... Send your thoughts, observations, and questions to us at philler@philler.com... |
